She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
