he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
