I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
