i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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