I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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