If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
