yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
