It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
