you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
