I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How's work?
Spinning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
