I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
