Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
