hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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