I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
