Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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