he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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