You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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