Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
sex in a hospital.. check
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
