Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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