I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
