he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
