I smell stomach acid.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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