i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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