Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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