WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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