he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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