he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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