Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
