i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
