You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize