i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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