my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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