When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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