I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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