The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
