So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
