I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
