Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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