I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
