highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
