tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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