Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
