i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
