I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
