i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
