Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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