didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
