Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I supernannyed him into submission
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
