Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
