You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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