Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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