I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
