we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
