Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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