my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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