in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
