I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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