So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she told me i tasted like america
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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