so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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