yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
