My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
