Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize