break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
