I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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