what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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