..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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