ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
