My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
