If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
