he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
