Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
