my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
