I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
