when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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