Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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