five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
