If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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